Episode 18: IFS and Our Eating Parts: Getting to Know the Critic, the Perfectionist, the Doer, and the People Pleaser.
I don't know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself sometimes.
From calling myself stupid when I drop something, to telling myself I'm an idiot for not knowing an obscure Jeopardy question, to berating my appearance when I don't look like I "should," the self-deprecating comments can be never-ending.
And I used to think that there was nothing I could do about this. I mean, I am an idiot sometimes--that's just a fact. And I'm not as smart as other people so I should feel badly about myself, right? And I don't look anything like the latest super model so I should feel unattractive.
I knew I didn't feel good when I talked to myself like this but oh well--I deserved it right? I thought I was just telling myself the truth.
But I wasn't. I mean sure, I'm not the smartest most attractive person in the world, but I'm not nearly as bad as I told myself I was. I didn't deserve the slew of insults that I was so often throwing at myself. I finally realized that when I started my training in IFS.
Thanks to IFS, I learned about parts. And one of the parts that we talk about a lot is what we call the critical part, or the inner critic.
We all have at least one critical part.
Critical parts have learned the message that being hard on ourselves will motivate us to be better. They tend to take a "tough love" approach and think that if they berate us, we'll somehow improve.
And that can feel pretty terrible. But here's what's actually going on:
These parts are trying to be helpful.
What???? I know that sounds crazy. How could berating yourself be helpful?? Let's take a look at that. Often times, our critical parts are coming down really hard on us in order to protect us. Human beings are essentially pack animals--we're the safest when we fit in, and when we're accepted by others. When we don't look, act, believe, think, or sound like the people around us, we can be unsafe. So, many times our critical parts are being the loudest when we're at the risk of not belonging. And that's unsafe.
Understanding and befriending your critical parts is an incredibly important process. So in today's podcast, I'm talking with Lia Schaefer, an IFS therapist and coach who tends to focus on four specific parts with her clients, the primary one being the critical part. We talk about where these parts come from, what they're trying to do for us, and how to approach them differently.
Lia and I also discuss three other parts that we both agree all of us have:
The Perfectionist
The Doer
The People Pleaser
Lia expands on what these parts are and how getting to know them can make such a huge shift in your relationship with yourself. And we discuss how these parts contribute to our eating patterns. So take a listen and get to know those critical parts!
Click below to listen!